Why Some Pastors Fake Humility (And How to Spot it in Yourself)
Humility is a funny thing. The moment you think you've mastered it, chances are you’re already off track. And as pastors in Nigeria, this can get particularly tricky. I mean, think about it: In our culture, pastors are revered almost to the point of idolatry. Whether you’re rolling with the rich, the middle class, or the guy selling suya on the street, everyone calls you “Pastor” or “Man of God,” as if you have a reserved seat at the right hand of God.
You walk into church, and there’s practically a reception committee lined up to tell you how your sermon changed their lives. Step out in public, and you get hailed like a celebrity, “Daddy! Man of God! Ah, see anointing!” And yet, through all the praise and honor, you’re somehow expected to imitate the humility of Jesus.
But let’s be honest, how much of this is genuine humility, and how much is just pride wearing a choir robe and singing “All Glory Be to God” while secretly taking a bow?
I know this all too well. There was a season of my life where I prided myself on being the most humble person I knew. Yes, I realize how absurd that sounds. It’s like boasting about being the quietest person in the room, while shouting it from the rooftop. The truth is, while I presented myself as someone clothed in humility, I was actually draped in the well-tailored suit of false humility.
And so, because I’ve acquired a PhD in the fine art of fake humility, I’ve become pretty skilled at spotting in others what God had to break out of me. So, let me start us off by sharing a few telltale signs that your humility might just be a well-polished disguise, or, as I like to call it, “humility with a PR team” (along with a few reality checks to bring you back down to earth with the rest of us regular folk.).
5 SYMPTOMS OF FAKE HUMILITY
The Humble Brag (a.k.a. “I’m Just So Blessed”): This is the person who acts humble but is actually flexing. You’ll hear them at a conference say something like, “I’m so humbled that I was asked to speak at this National leadership summit with 10,000 people watching… I don’t deserve it!” (But they posted it on all their social media platforms.) Reality Check: If you have to tell everyone how humbled you are, you probably are not!
The “It Wasn’t Me, It Was Jesus” Deflector: This is when someone praises your talent, and your go-to response is, “Oh, it wasn’t me, it was all Jesus.” Or,“Oh, that beautiful poster? It’s not me, it’s Jesus.” (Yet, their signature is plastered front and center on the image.) Reality Check: Jesus did not design your poster. You did. You can own your work and still give God the glory.
The “Self-Pity” Complex: This is the person who thinks humility means trash-talking themselves. You’ll hear them say something like,“I’m just a failure. I’m a loser. God should have chosen someone better than me.” Reality Check: Biblical humility isn’t self-hatred. It doesn’t look to compare itself with others. True humility finds its worth in what God says, not in how small we can make ourselves look.
The “Servant Leader” Performer: This is when we serve, but only when there’s an audience. It’s the pastor who insists on stacking chairs or cleaning up after an event but makes sure someone snaps a photo for the church newsletter. Reality Check: If your service needs to be seen to feel real, it might not be as humble as you think.
The “Silent Martyr” Approach: This person suffers in silence, loudly. They do all the hard work, carry all the burdens, and let everyone know (in the most ‘humble’ way possible) how much they’re sacrificing. Reality Check: If your humility comes with a side of resentment or a hope that others will recognize your suffering, it might be pride in disguise.
HUMILITY LIKE YOU’VE NEVER SEEN IT
It’s easy to laugh at these examples, but let’s not miss the real issue. False humility, which if you recall, is simply pride undercover, turns God away (Proverbs 16:5). Whether it’s craving attention, indulging in self-pity, or fishing for compliments, all of it keeps the focus on ourselves.
And that’s where the danger lies for pastors. When the focus is on us, on our struggles, our sacrifices, our need for validation, it’s not on Jesus. And if we’re not careful, we can end up using the ministry to serve our need for affirmation rather than serving God’s people.
But true humility? That’s something entirely different. It isn’t about pretending to be less. It’s about being so secure in who God is that you don’t need to make yourself the center of attention at all. C.S. Lewis, in Mere Christianity, defined humility this way: "Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less."
That’s the kind of humility Paul is talking about in Philippians 2, a humility that isn’t about words but about action. A humility that attracts God’s favor. James 4:10 says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up in honor.” Notice what God honors:
Not power.
Not knowledge.
Not beauty.
Not even spirituality.
Humility.
So, if humility attracts God’s favor, how do we cultivate it, especially as pastors? What does it look like to walk in true humility in our relationship with God, with our families, with our church, and with other pastors? In this blog post, I want us to explore three key realities that shape humility:
The Struggle of Humility
The Call to Humility
The Reward of Humility
We’ll not only unpack what these mean theologically but also how they play out practically in the everyday life of a pastor. Whether it’s how we respond to praise, how we handle criticism, or how we nurture our relationship with our spouse and children, these truths have the power to transform our ministry from the inside out.
The road to humility may not always be comfortable, but it always leads to the kind of life that attracts God’s favor and blesses those around us.
THE STRUGGLE OF HUMILITY: WHEN BEING HUMBLED FEELS LIKE BEING BROKEN
Before we dive into the rewards of humility, we need to confront an uncomfortable truth: Humility is hard, and it will almost certainly cost you something.
I remember a time in college when I got caught up in a wave of spiritual zeal. I was involved in our InterVarsity Christian Campus Fellowship, and my friends and I were all-in for Jesus. We were so hungry to be more like Christ that we began praying the kind of dangerous prayers that only the young and idealistic dare to pray. One of those prayers was, “Lord, humble us. Make us the most humble people on campus.” Truth be told, we had no idea what we were asking for, but God clearly did because He didn’t waste any time answering.
Within a week, my girlfriend broke up with me, I was demoted from a position I took pride in, and a series of small but stinging setbacks knocked the chip right off my shoulder. It felt like a targeted strike on my ego. And in a moment of raw honesty, I remember thinking, “Okay, God, message received. I’ll work on being humble without any more help from You!”
Looking back though, that season of humbling was foundational. A lot of the empathy and compassion I am able to express in our pastoral care ministry today were forged in the fire of those college experiences. Yes, I experienced God’s favor, but make no mistake, it stung like crazy.
And isn’t that the paradox of humility? It often feels like being broken, but it is, in fact, God preparing us for true wholeness.
The fact is, it’s easy to talk about humility as a virtue until it asks for real-life sacrifices. Whether it’s laying down our pride, letting go of recognition, or swallowing the bitter pill of being misunderstood, humility rarely comes without a price. The apostle Paul, writing in Philippians 2:5-8, doesn’t soften this reality for us. He sets Jesus as our standard of what it means to act humbly:
“ 5 In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus:
6 Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage;
7 rather, he made himself nothing
by taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
8 And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
by becoming obedient to death—
even death on a cross!”
Humbling yourself is going to cost you something, in the same way, it cost Jesus His divine privileges. When Paul writes, “though He was in very nature God, yet He made Himself nothing,” he invites us to consider just how low Jesus stooped to come to us.
But to truly understand this, we need to shift our perspective. We often picture Jesus as the vulnerable baby in the manger or the suffering Savior on the cross. While both images are true and powerful, they don’t fully capture the staggering humility of God becoming man.
In Revelation 1:12-16, the apostle John offers a more accurate picture of Jesus not as the gentle rabbi but as the glorified King of Kings:
“When I turned to see who was speaking to me, I saw seven gold lampstands.
And standing in the middle of the lampstands was someone like the Son of Man.
He was wearing a long robe with a gold sash across his chest.
His head and his hair were white like wool, as white as snow.
And his eyes were like flames of fire.
His feet were like polished bronze refined in a furnace,
and his voice thundered like mighty ocean waves.
He held seven stars in his right hand,
and a sharp two-edged sword came from his mouth.
And his face was like the sun in all its brilliance.”
This is not the meek and mild Jesus of Sunday school lessons; this is more like Nuclear Jesus! This is the Jesus before whom John fell as though dead. The Jesus who causes demons to tremble and angels to worship. The Jesus who holds all authority in heaven and on earth.
And yet, this same Jesus humbled himself to the point of taking on flesh, flesh that hungered, tired, and felt pain. He laid aside His divine privileges to become a baby who needed his mother’s help to eat. He humbled himself so profoundly that on the night of His arrest, He pleaded with His disciples for emotional support, asking them to stay awake and pray with Him.
Keep in mind that even as Jesus prayed, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death”(Matthew 26:38), just a few hours later, He made it unmistakably clear that at any moment, He could have called upon a heavenly legion of 72,000 special forces angels to fight on His behalf. Yet, despite possessing all the authority and power of heaven, He chose the path of humility. Though “…being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage”
This is the cost of humility. It is not theoretical. It is sacrificial. It is a path that Jesus himself walked, not with applause but with agony. And as pastors, we’re not exempt from this journey. In fact, I’d argue that we are often led into it precisely because of our calling. This is our invitation. To endure the humbling, to embrace the cost, and to walk in humility, not as a strategy to gain God’s favor, but as a response to the favor He has already shown us in Christ.
This brings us to the second reality that shapes humility in our lives:
2. THE CALL OF HUMILITY: UNLEARNING PRIDEFUL PATTERNS AND EMBRACING A NEW WAY
When it comes to humility, the apostle Paul doesn’t leave us guessing. If you back up to verses 2:1-4, you’ll see how he lays out a clear and practical call to humility:
“Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Paul is calling us to a life that draws God’s favor, and at the heart of this call is a humility that runs counter to our natural instincts. Walking in humility isn’t just about adopting new behaviors, it’s also about unlearning old, prideful habits. Specifically, it involves letting go of two dangerous patterns and embracing one transformative practice.
Unlearning the Habit of Selfish Ambition
Selfish ambition is not just the desire to succeed but the need to succeed more than others. It finds joy not merely in winning but in winning over someone else. And at its root lies a spirit of comparison.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “keeping up with the Joneses”? It’s that invisible competition where your neighbors, or perhaps your fellow pastors, always seem to be one step ahead. They get invited to speak at conferences, and suddenly, your Sunday sermon feels small. They share testimonies of church growth, and now your faithful congregation looks like a reminder of what isn’t happening in your ministry.
The danger of selfish ambition is that it turns pastors who should be collaborators into competitors. Instead of running the race God has set before us, we find ourselves constantly glancing sideways, measuring our pace against others.
Paul’s admonition to “do nothing out of selfish ambition” is a reminder that rivalry has no place in the heart of a Christian, especially a pastor. Healthy ambition and excellence are good, God honors those who steward their gifts well. But if our drive is rooted in comparison, then we’ve already drifted off the path of humility.
Unlearning the Habit of Vain Conceit
If selfish ambition is about outperforming others, vain conceit is about resenting their success. It’s the bitterness that rises when someone else is praised for the very thing you wish you were known for.
You can test yourself right now:
When a fellow pastor receives recognition, do you rejoice with them, or does a small part of you hope they stumble, even if just a little?
When a neighboring church experiences exponential growth, do you celebrate their growth, or does it make you feel smaller in comparison?
Vain conceit is dangerous because it thrives in the shadows of our hearts. It often shows up in subtle ways, backhanded compliments, muted celebrations, or quiet satisfaction when others don’t quite measure up.
Paul warns us against this because vain conceit is not just a harmless thought; it is a stench before God. It is pride wrapped in insecurity, and it drives a wedge between us and the favor of God. As James 4:6 points out, “God opposes the proud but shows favor to the humble.”
Embracing the Practice of Valuing Others Above Yourself
The antidote to selfish ambition and vain conceit is found in Paul’s challenge to “value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.”
Remember, humility is not thinking less of yourself but thinking of yourself less. It’s a shift in focus, from self-promotion to self-sacrifice. Instead of asking, “How can I get ahead?” we ask, “How can I help others win?”
When my family and I were relocating to Nigeria in 2020, God gave me a word for the new season ahead: “Segun, the secret to success in this land is to help others win.” That simple yet profound truth has shaped how I lead and serve. Whether working with our staff, mentoring younger pastors, or leading our ministry, I’ve made it a practice to ask, “What are you good at, and how can we help you excel in that field?” The more I’ve focused on helping others flourish, the more I’ve experienced God’s favor and blessing in my own work.
It turns out that when you water others, God ensures you are never thirsty.
If you want God’s favor in your life and ministry, embrace the call to humility. Unlearn the patterns of selfish ambition and vain conceit. Instead, develop the habit of valuing others above yourself, not as a strategy but as a genuine posture of the heart. Because when we walk in humility, we position ourselves under the waterfall of God’s grace, where His favor flows freely.
This brings us to the third reality that shapes humility in our lives:
3. THE REWARDS OF HUMILITY: WHEN DOWNWARD STEPS LEAD TO HIGHER GROUND
In God’s economy, most things operate in reverse.
In our world, confidence often masquerades as competence, and audacity is frequently mistaken for authority. We reward and celebrate larger-than-life personalities, the brash, the bold, and those who never hesitate to remind us of their greatness.
But in God’s kingdom, the way up is down. The path to honor is paved with humility, and the greatest rewards often follow the quietest sacrifices. It’s this kingdom principle Jesus offers us in Matthew 23:12: “For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.”
God’s favor doesn’t rest on the loudest voice or the brightest spotlight but on the humble heart that is content to serve without recognition. Where the world rewards pride, God rewards humility. The Bible consistently reinforces this divine principle:
Proverbs 29:23: “A man’s pride will bring him low, but a humble spirit will obtain honor.”
Proverbs 3:34: “He mocks proud mockers but shows favor to the humble and oppressed.”
Proverbs 22:4: “Humility is the fear of the Lord; its wages are riches and honor and life.”
Yes, humility may not always lead to immediate recognition or applause, but it positions us for something far greater, God’s enduring favor.
Humility Leads to Honor: The world may overlook the humble, but God elevates them in His timing. The honor that comes from God is not fleeting; it is eternal.
Humility Brings Favor: When we lower ourselves, God lifts us up. His favor is not just a reward but a grace that empowers us to serve more effectively.
Humility Cultivates Wisdom: Those who are humble are teachable. They gain insight and understanding that the proud often miss.
In the end, the rewards of humility are not just blessings to be received but platforms from which to bless others. When we walk humbly, God’s favor flows through us, not just to us, impacting everyone around us. And this is why humility matters so deeply for pastors. When we lead from a place of humility, we not only draw God’s favor into our own lives but also create an environment where our churches and ministries can thrive under the canopy of God’s grace.
And that is the kind of legacy every pastor should long to leave.
THE DAILY HUMILITY CHALLENGE FOR PASTORS (SEVEN PRACTICAL STEPS TO LEAD WITH GRACE)
As we wrap up, let’s get practical. As pastors, our call to humility isn’t limited to our sermons, it must permeate our homes, our leadership, and our relationships within the church. So, drawing from Paul’s instructions in Philippians 2:12-18, here are seven practical steps for pastors to live out The Daily Humility Challenge in every aspect of ministry and family life.
Don’t feel pressured to master all seven at once. Even choosing two or three to focus on this week can create a meaningful shift in your heart and ministry. Remember, humility isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress.
1. Stop Complaining and Start Celebrating
Pastors, it’s easy to fall into the trap of focusing on what isn’t going well, whether it’s the church budget, attendance numbers, or unmet expectations from your leadership team. However, a humble heart finds reasons to celebrate what God is doing and has done.
This also applies at home. Instead of grumbling about the challenges of ministry life, celebrate the small moments with your wife and kids. Let your home be a place where gratitude flourishes. Paul’s words in Philippians 2:14-15 remind us: “Do everything without grumbling or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”
Gratitude not only shifts your perspective but also sets a tone of joy in your family and church.
2. Serve Without Seeking Recognition
As pastors, we are often in visible roles, but some of the most powerful ministry happens when no one is watching. Look for ways to serve your church, your leadership team, and your family without drawing attention to yourself.
In the Church: Instead of always leading from the front, find ways to serve quietly. Greet and linger a bit longer with the “small people” in your church before or after your preaching, or pray and fast for someone without announcing it.
In Your Marriage: Serve your wife without expectation. Help with household chores, plan a date night, or simply listen to her without offering solutions.
With Your Kids: Invest time in their world. Play with them, help with homework, or be present at their events, without turning every moment into a sermon.
When you serve out of love rather than a desire for recognition, you create a culture of humility that others naturally follow.
3. Be Interruptible
Ministry life is full of plans and schedules, but a humble pastor is sensitive to God’s interruptions. Whether it’s an unexpected call for pastoral care or a moment with your child when you’re working on a sermon, be open to divine detours.
Being interruptible also means showing your leadership team and family that they are not an inconvenience. Make room for conversations, even when they don’t fit neatly into your agenda.
4. Celebrate the Success of Others
Humility shines when we genuinely celebrate the victories of those around us:
With Your Leadership Team: When someone preaches well, leads a successful event, or comes up with a great idea, celebrate them. Make sure they know you see their contribution.
With Fellow Pastors: Instead of comparing church growth or ministry opportunities, rejoice when another pastor’s ministry thrives. A humble pastor is secure enough to clap for others.
At Home: Celebrate your wife’s achievements and your children’s milestones with the same enthusiasm you would show for a church victory.
Romans 12:15 encourages us: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn.” When you create a culture of celebration, you model a humility that puts others first.
5. Admit When You’re Wrong and Make No Excuses
Pastors are not immune to mistakes. Whether it’s a miscommunication with your leadership team, a wrong word in a sermon, or a moment of impatience at home, humility requires us to own our mistakes.
In the Church: Be the first to apologize when you miss the mark. It sets a powerful example for your congregation.
With Your Family: If you’ve been short with your wife or unfair to your kids, don’t brush it off. Apologize sincerely and model repentance at home.
A humble leader is not afraid to say: “I was wrong. This is my fault. I will work harder to not repeat this behavior.” Your transparency will build trust with those you lead and love.
6. Listen More Than You Speak
James 1:19 gives us this wisdom: “Be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” As pastors, we often have the microphone. But humility is shown when we put it down and listen, truly listen.
To Your Congregation: When someone shares their struggles, resist the urge to jump to solutions. Let them feel heard.
To Your Leadership Team: Create space for their ideas and feedback, even if it challenges your own plans.
At Home: Listen to your wife’s feelings and your kids’ stories without rushing to give advice or connect it to a biblical lesson.
Listening with humility communicates that people matter, not just their problems.
7. Follow the Examples of Godly Leaders
It’s wise to learn from those who have walked the path before us. While it’s important not to idolize human leaders, Paul encourages us in 1 Corinthians 11:1: “Follow my example, as I follow the example of Christ.”
In Ministry: Identify mentors who model humility and learn from their approach to leadership, conflict resolution, and service.
In Marriage and Parenting: Watch how seasoned pastors balance ministry with family life. Take notes on how they honor their wives and nurture their children.
Keep a humble heart that is always ready to learn, even if the lesson comes from unexpected places.
A PRAYER FOR PASTORS:
May the Lord lead us, as pastors, to live the kind of humble life that attracts His favor. As we shepherd His flock, may we do so with hearts that are tender, hands that are ready to serve, and spirits that remain teachable. And may our humility not only draw us closer to God but also create a ripple effect that strengthens our marriages, deepens our relationships with our children, and fosters a church culture where grace and truth abound.
Amen.
