5 Church Members Who Will Test Your Pastoral Patience
Have you ever wondered why Jesus often compared us, His followers, to sheep? Not just once, but over and over again. I mean, think about it, in Mark 6:34, Jesus sees the crowd and has compassion on them because they were like sheep without a shepherd. In John 10:14, He declares, “I am the good shepherd; I know my own sheep, and they know me.” And who could forget the parable of the lost sheep in Luke 15, where Jesus paints the picture of a shepherd leaving the 99 to search for the one wanderer.
So, why sheep? He could have chosen lions, majestic and fearless. Or eagles, soaring and sharp-eyed. Or even camels, resilient and able to go the distance. But nope, Jesus looked at humanity and thought, “Sheep. Yep, that fits.”
There are many reasons why this analogy works, but let’s cut to the chase. One of the main reasons, and the one that connects perfectly with the theme of this blog post is this:
SHEEP HAVE NO SENSE OF DIRECTION.
Have you ever heard a parent ask, “If your friends jump off a cliff, will you follow them?” Well, it turns out that sheep actually would.
There’s a true story from Eastern Turkey where a herd of 1,500 sheep quite literally followed one another off a cliff. It was reported by both BBC and Fox News, no exaggeration. One sheep jumped, and the rest followed. The first few died from the fall, but eventually, the growing pile of fluffy bodies softened the landing for the others. As bizarre as it sounds, over 400 sheep died, and the rest just landed on a cushion of wool.
If that isn’t a picture of why Jesus compared us to sheep, I don’t know what is. Sheep have this incredible talent for doing whatever the sheep in front of them are doing, whether it’s heading to green pastures or straight into danger. They don’t stop to ask questions; they just follow the crowd. If one sheep panics, the whole flock bolts. And, of course, they also have a habit of wandering off on their own, completely oblivious to the risks around them.
Sound familiar? As a pastor, doesn’t it sometimes feel like pastoring a church is a bit like herding sheep? You think everyone is on the same path, and then, whoosh, someone has wandered off, and a few others are following right behind. Yet, just like a good shepherd, it’s our responsibility to seek out the lost, guide the wandering, and restore the wounded.
Jesus often referred to the church as sheep for good reason. The people entrusted to us will often go astray, and not always for the same reasons. Some wander because they’re hurt, others because they’re distracted, and a few simply because they prefer exploring the wild to the safety of the fold. So, let’s talk about the five different types of sheep (church members) you will need to learn to shepherd:
5 TYPES OF SHEEP/CHURCH MEMBERS WHO MAKE PASTORS PRAY A LITTLE HARDER
1. SINNING SHEEP
This is perhaps the easiest type of sheep to recognize, but certainly not the easiest to address.
When you discover that a member of your congregation is openly engaged in unrepentant sin, part of your responsibility as a pastor is to intervene, not with condemnation, but with a heart to correct and restore. The truth is, everyone in your church, including you, is battling some form of sin. As 1 John 1:8 reminds us: "If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us."
However, there is a significant difference between a church member who is struggling against sin and striving for freedom and one who has fully embraced disobedience without remorse.
When sin is both apparent and unrepentant, it’s not a time to look the other way or hope the issue resolves itself (because it won’t, it will only spread like gangrene). Instead, it requires a pastor to summon courage, lean on the wisdom of the Holy Spirit, and humbly confront the situation.
Jesus provides us with a clear framework for this in Matthew 18:15-17:"If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have gained your brother. But if he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, that every charge may be established by the evidence of two or three witnesses. If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector."
Notice the progression here: private correction, then communal involvement if needed, and always with the aim of restoration. The goal isn’t to publicly shame or harshly judge but to bring the wandering sheep back into the safety of the fold with grace and truth.
2. WANDERING SHEEP
Not every wandering sheep is lost due to sin or rebellion. Sometimes, church members drift away simply because of life's busyness, distractions, or even spiritual attack. They might have stopped attending because work has become all-consuming, or maybe they are avoiding someone in the church. Perhaps they feel disconnected, as if no one really notices if they're there or not, or maybe, just maybe, they’ve convinced themselves that the pastor’s sermons no longer speak to their heart.
Whatever the reason, when a church member drifts away, they are stepping outside of the biblical call in Hebrews 10:24-25: "And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
Your approach as a pastor should be gentle yet intentional. Remind them, lovingly, that church is not just about meeting their needs but about connecting with other believers to encourage one another, using their gifts to build up the church, and promoting good works in God’s kingdom.
There’s also a practical and spiritual danger to consider. When someone separates themselves from the flock, they become vulnerable to the enemy’s schemes. It’s like a lone gazzelle, abandoning the herd only to wander into the territory of a hungry lion (1 Peter 5:8).
A common question we get from pastors is: “What if they have started going to another church? Should I bring them back?”
First, remember that scripture calls pastors and elders to shepherd, not control. 1 Peter 5:2-3 warns leaders not to “lord” their will over others. Your congregants are free to make their own choices, including where they worship. However, it is still your responsibility to reach out, understand what led to their departure, and prayerfully counsel them toward making a wise choice. Have an open conversation, not to manipulate or pressure them back, but to genuinely understand their concerns and provide pastoral care.
If you try to force them to return or control where they attend church, this would make you no different from a cult leader, right? Healthy churches create environments where people want to stay, not where they have to stay. And of course, always align your approach with the guidelines of your denomination regarding church transfers. Ensure that you honor the processes and maintain respect for both your church and the church they may be considering.
At the end of the day, our goal as pastors is not to fill pews but to fill hearts with Christ’s love, whether they sit under our teaching or another faithful shepherd’s care.
3. LIMPING SHEEP
Jesus didn't sugarcoat it when He said, “In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33). Trouble is not a possibility; it’s a certainty. And as a pastor, you will often find yourself shepherding those who are walking through some of life’s deepest valleys.
Some of your congregants will go through traumatic experiences, loss of a loved one, job loss, health crises, or relational breakdowns. These are the sheep who may stop coming to church altogether, or perhaps they still show up every Sunday, but their once-bright demeanor has dimmed. You notice they aren’t singing as loudly, their smiles are fewer, and their “Amen” has become a whisper.
When you see this, it’s a sign to lean in. One of your key roles as a pastor (alongside your elders) is to provide pastoral care beyond the pulpit:
Home Visitations: Show up at their doorstep, not to demand answers but to offer presence.
Hospital Visits: Pray with them, hold their hand, and let them know they are not alone.
Simple Presence: Sometimes, you don’t need the right words. Sometimes, just sitting with them is enough.
If the church can help practically, whether through meals, financial support, or simply running errands, do it. This is the kind of love that Romans 12:15 calls us to: “Rejoice with those who rejoice; weep with those who weep.”
You might be surprised how much a simple visit can mean. Years from now, they may not remember the details of your sermon, but they will remember the day their pastor sat with them in their living room, held their hand in a hospital room, or wept with them when words fell short.
Your presence in their pain is a powerful reminder of Christ’s love, showing them that the Good Shepherd cares deeply for every limping sheep.
4. FIGHTING SHEEP
Conflict is inevitable, even among actual sheep. If you've ever observed a flock in a field or on a farm, it’s only a matter of time before two of them start locking horns, pushing, and shoving. Sometimes it’s over food, sometimes over territory, and occasionally it seems like they're just in a bad mood.
The same is true in your congregation. Church conflict isn’t a question of if, it’s a matter of when and where. We’re not in heaven yet, so even your best church members will occasionally turn on each other. And when they do, guess who they expect to play referee? That’s right, you! And, of course, they expect you to take their side.
One of the biggest challenges with church fights is that they rarely remain between the original parties. Like a spark in dry grass, conflict spreads quickly, pulling others into the fray, creating factions, and sometimes threatening the peace of the entire ministry. As uncomfortable as it may be, part of your pastoral responsibility is to step into the middle of these conflicts (following Jesus’ procedure in Matthew 18:15-20), break up the fight, and guide both parties toward reconciliation. It’s not about choosing sides but about being a peacemaker who brings healing and restoration.
Even the apostle Paul had to deal with fighting sheep. When he wrote to the Philippian church, he specifically addressed a conflict, saying: “Now I appeal to Euodia and Syntyche. Please, because you belong to the Lord, settle your disagreement. And I ask you, my true partner, to help these two women, for they worked hard with me in telling others the Good News.” (Philippians 4:2-3).
Paul didn’t ignore the issue or hope it would resolve itself. Instead, he named it, addressed it, and involved the church leadership in seeking reconciliation.
Listen, conflict doesn’t fix itself. Pretending not to see it only gives it room to grow. As a pastor, you are called to shepherd Christ’s bride and care for the flock entrusted to you. That sometimes means stepping into the mess, even when you’d rather not.
And while you do this, hold onto the promise of Matthew 5:9: “Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called sons of God.” Every time you guide your members through conflict, you are not just preserving peace, you are embodying the heart of God.
So, grab hold of that blessing and help your sheep find their way back to unity!
5. BITING SHEEP
Sometimes, sheep attack each other, and sometimes they attack the shepherd. And when they do, they often bite where it hurts the most.
As a pastor, you will encounter church members who lash out at you—sometimes verbally, sometimes through gossip, and sometimes through subtle but painful actions. These bites can sting, especially when they come from people you have poured into and cared for over the years.
The truth is, not all bites are the same. Some sheep bite because they are wounded themselves. They carry untreated hurts, unresolved issues, and unhealed traumas, and as the closest representation of spiritual authority, you become their target. Other times, they might have a legitimate concern but lack the wisdom or tact to address it properly.
Regardless of their motive, here are five battle-tested tactics every pastor needs when facing scrutiny, whether it comes from your congregation or even from fellow elders.
5 BATTLE-TESTED TACTICS FOR PASTORING BITING SHEEP (CHURCH MEMBERS)
1. Don’t Bite Back
When you’re hurt, the natural response is to defend yourself, retaliate, or lash out. But as a pastor, your model is Jesus, who, despite being betrayed, abandoned, and even crucified by those He came to save, chose a different response. When almost everyone had deserted Him, Jesus prayed on the cross: “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.” (Luke 23:34).
Incidentally, one of the qualifications of an elder, as outlined in 1 Timothy 3:1-7, is that an elder must not be violent but gentle, not quarrelsome. Pastor, biting back is not an option. Instead, practice restraint, choose your words wisely, and respond with grace, even when grace is the last thing you feel.
2. Guard Your Heart Against Bitterness
When the very people you’ve loved and led turn against you, the temptation is to let anger, defensiveness, or dismissiveness take root. But these are dangerous responses for any pastor.
Here’s a helpful illustration: Imagine you and I are having a gentle disagreement. If I place my hand on your shoulder to calm you down and you brush my hand away, yes, I might feel a bit hurt, but it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Now, imagine I had a wounded hand, a cut that I hadn’t treated properly, and it had become infected. If, in our disagreement, you brushed my wounded hand away, my reaction would likely be far more intense. I might lash out, not because of your action, but because of my untreated wound.
In ministry, if you find yourself reacting disproportionately to criticism or conflict, it might be a sign that there is an untreated wound in your heart. It’s a signal to take a step back, invite the Holy Spirit to bring healing, and seek wise counsel if needed.
3. Seek Personal Soul Care
When bitten by a sheep, it’s crucial to discern whether their bite is a reflection of their own wounds or a legitimate call for change in your leadership. Listen, pray, and if needed, seek perspective from trusted elders or mentors who can help you process the situation with clarity.
Remember, your job is not to fix every sheep but to shepherd them, sometimes that means addressing their wounds, and other times it means addressing your own. And through it all, strive to maintain a heart of compassion, knowing that even biting sheep are still part of God’s flock.
This is precisely why we offer on SoulCare for pastors and pastors wives at The Gathering Faith Leadership Network, because you simply cannot do church ministry without someone, at some point, attempting to bite you. However, if you cultivate a keen self-awareness of what is happening in your heart, then when sheep bite, you can address the situation objectively. Instead of reacting defensively, you’ll be able to listen carefully and discern what the real issue is—what lies beneath their anger.
If you are wounded yourself, you can't hear clearly. Your own pain will distort the conversation, making it difficult to separate legitimate concerns from personal attacks. That’s why caring for your own soul is not a luxury but a necessity in pastoral ministry.
4. Involve Your Elder Team
When dealing with a frustrated church member, don’t handle it alone. Invite a few trusted elders to join you in the process. This is why every healthy church needs a plurality of elders, not just to share the workload but to bring balance, wisdom, and accountability to challenging situations.
Importantly, the purpose of bringing fellow elders along is not to gang up on the church member but to demonstrate humble, peer-led leadership. It offers an objective perspective and ensures that the conversation remains focused on truth and grace rather than devolving into defensiveness or dismissiveness. By involving other leaders, you create a safe space for everyone involved, helping to restore unity and promote healing, both for the biting sheep and for your own shepherd’s heart.
5. Pray for Them (and Yourself) Honestly
One of the most pastoral and profoundly spiritual responses to biting sheep is to pray, for them and for yourself. To be clear, this isn’t just about saying the right religious words. It’s about honest prayer, where you bring your hurt, confusion, and frustration to God.
Pray for Them: Ask God to heal their wounds, bring clarity to their hearts, and guide them back to a place of peace. Sometimes, the very act of praying for those who hurt you shifts your perspective and softens your heart.
Pray for Yourself: Be honest with God. Tell Him where it hurts, where you feel misunderstood, and where you need His strength. David, in the Psalms, often began his prayers with raw honesty, but he always ended in a place of trust. Follow this model, pour out your heart but anchor yourself in God’s faithfulness.
Prayer not only aligns your heart with God’s but also creates room for the Holy Spirit to do a healing work in the entire situation. It keeps you from becoming a shepherd who leads out of pain and helps you remain a shepherd who leads from love.
BITING SHEEP, FUTURE SHEPHERDS
If you ever feel like your sheep are biting a little too hard, just remember: Jesus had Judas, Moses had Miriam and Aaron questioning his leadership, and Paul had to deal with Diotrephes and Alexander the Coppersmith. We're not the first pastors to face opposition, and we certainly won't be the last.
So, when the bites sting, apply a little spiritual first aid, bandage up your wounds, and keep shepherding. After all, the very ones nipping at your heels today could be the next generation of pastors tomorrow, just ask Barnabas. If not for his belief in Paul, the early church might have missed out on one of its greatest apostles.
Sometimes, all it takes is a steady shepherd’s hand to turn a biting sheep into a bold leader.
